


Listen Closely (I'm Lost Without You)

by Kawaiibooker



Series: V one-shot [13]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Forgive Me, Hostage Situations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, good ol' kaz whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-19 02:02:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7340158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kawaiibooker/pseuds/Kawaiibooker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There's a side to Venom he can only glimpse, one he knew existed but never saw in action, face to face, until today. Not consciously, at least.</p><p>He doesn't quite know how to feel about that, either."</p><p>Kaz is taken hostage (again), Venom deals with it (again).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Listen Closely (I'm Lost Without You)

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed.
> 
> V-series setting, 1988.

One moment. One fucking moment of hesitation, of indecision, a stray thought of _Was that...?_ before another dull _thump_ sounded from his right, Greedy Fox flinching, then collapsing and hostiles came crawling from every side, quickly outnumbering them.

A single mistake, _Kazuhira's_ mistake, and it might cost them all their lives.

He curses under his breath, eyes flitting from their captors – two at their back, three up front, countless more stationed on the level above them, all armed to the teeth – to the other hostages beside him and he shouldn't be glad so many of them were captured but at least they're _alive_ , a round dozen Diamond Dogs bound tight and kneeling on the hard, metal ground just as he is. Their expressions range from utterly blank to wide-eyed and terrified and even through the sepia-tint of his aviators, Kaz can see the color drain from their faces the longer they're held at gunpoint.

Others weren't so lucky. The thought of Fox, young and eager to please Fox who now lies in a puddle of his own blood littered with little bits of flesh and bone and who knows what else makes Kaz clench his teeth, stomach roiling. His prosthetic digs more and more uncomfortably into his kneecap, shoulders straining from the forced position of his cuffed hands, metal clinking against metal as he shifts his weight.

Every single recruit he knows by name, hand-picked to accompany him on this trip: The security expert Stalking Python and Amber Beaver with his pragmatic mind and calm attitude; temperamental Fencing Cat keeping them on their toes; Killer Mantis, experienced, strong, talented for leadership, among others. Kaz wanted them to familiarize themselves with their future working space and colleagues while he supervises the on-going construction of the FOB nestled between Madagascar and South Africa, out of sight of any major navy route.

It's a trip nobody but those involved were supposed to know about and yet...

 _There might not be a future at all now_ , Kaz thinks in-between calculations of possible escape routes, heart and mind racing without a concrete plan to hold on to. He maintains his posture straight nonetheless, head held high, his face a mask that betrays nothing but tight-lipped annoyance.

“Who sent you?”, he asks, not for the first time and narrows his eyes at the arrogant laugh of one of the soldiers. The bulky equipment he's wearing underlines his broad shoulders and confident stance, buzzcut hair covered by a red beret. He's clearly the leader of the squad and so smug Kaz's hands close automatically to fists, blood boiling in his veins.

Alpha, he dubbed him in his mind a while ago – what would he give to wipe that smile off his ugly mug.

"Told ya, Blondie, it's none of your business.” Alpha turns around again and that's that, he ignores them altogether as he gestures to his subordinates, mumbling something into his radio. 

Little does he know that Kaz has one too, small enough to fit in his front pocket, an independent unit from the rest of the equipment they took away from him. A little red light blinks away in the corner of his eye, connection live even though the other side of the line is completely silent ever since Kaz turned it on, using the last moments of freedom before he got knocked out and found himself here, kneeling in the middle of the FOB's empty hangar.

It's that light he clings to, their last hope. Meeting the rare fear in Mantis' gaze, he wishes he could relay to her and the rest of his team that help is coming, they just have to wait it out–

Suddenly Alpha is there, leaning down to him and Kaz frowns at the proximity, holding his ground unflinchingly.

“You're the commander here, right, Blondie? Yeah?”, he doesn't wait for an answer, patting Kaz's cheek with a grin, “This is how it's gonna go: I'll wait, say, a few more minutes and then I'll start killing your men one by one. You'll be the last to go, of course or else they'll lose hope too fast and where'd be the fun in that?”

His fingernails dig into his palm, a twinge of pain signaling he's close to breaking skin; it grounds Kaz, keeps him focused. “What's the objective of your mission?”, he asks calmly, punctuating every word.

Alpha merely laughs. “Just sit tight and you'll find out soon enough.”

Beside him, Cat starts to pray in rapid-fire Afrikaans and even if he can't understand the words, he can understand _him_ , his desperation one that transcends language.

Kaz is not a believer and yet, in that moment, he puts all his faith in the hands of another, eyes locked on the bit of empty sky he can see out the door of the hangar.

*

The wait is endless.

'A few minutes', Alpha said and although Kaz _knows_ what the other is doing – reveal the plan and let the expectation of what's to come do half the job for you – it changes nothing about how effective it is. Without the means to tell the time, they're under constant stress, awaiting the moment when the real torture begins; there _will_ be torture, Kaz has no doubt, not since the last time this happened–

Panic crawls up his chest, threatening to overwhelm him, make him irrational and if there's one person in the bunch who has to keep a clear head, it's him. Kaz takes a deep breath and holds it, counts to ten, exhales. Repeats the process when it doesn't help, not immediately – it's by the third time that he notices something that calms his frayed nerves better than anything else could:

The light isn't blinking anymore. The little red dot is shining constantly now, which means–

_He's here._

It's mere moments after that realization that Alpha returns. Kaz steels himself, expecting more posing and badly-worded taunts first; the tentative hope blooming in his chest that they'll all get out of here alive withers and dies when Alpha reaches not for him, but for Cat and suddenly it's much, much harder to maintain his unaffected mask, Cat's pleading gaze piercing through every defense he has as he's dragged back by his hair, utterly helpless.

“What do you want?!”, Kaz spits out, handcuffs biting into his skin as he jerks forward in an instinct to do something, _anything_ to save his subordinate--

Alpha looks him in the eye and pulls the trigger, the man in his grip jerking with the force of the blow that splatters his brains on the ground before he slumps and for one horrible instant, Kaz can't tear himself away from the sudden emptiness in Cat's eyes, the gunshot ringing in his ears, drowning out everything else.

The grating sound of Alpha's voice jolts him out of it.

“I want a lot of things, Blondie. You gotta be more specific than that.” He twirls his gun – _not unlike Ocelot_ , Kaz can't help but think and even the insufferable Russian would be a welcome sight just about now – scowling at a bit of blood on his sleeve. “One down, eleven to go. How're ya holding up there, 'Commander'?”

Kaz ignores the question, eyes flickering from Cat's lifeless body to the other hostages – Beaver looks decidedly green in the face, only turning away from the sight when Python murmurs something to him, too low for Kaz to understand – and then back to Alpha.

The light shines on, always there in the corner of his vision.

“How many are you – 25, 30? Bit of an overkill to take an FOB. You're here for the resources? The staff?”

Alpha sighs, waving at the two goons at his side to remove the body. “You ask too many questions, anyone ever tell you that, Blondie? Dumb ones, too. Why would I do _this_ if it's recruits I need?”

This time, he doesn't even finish speaking before the next shot is fired, hitting Python squarely in the neck and he goes down with a wet gurgle, throat torn open. It's not a quick death, his agonized wheezing finally abating after a solid minute and only then, in the void he leaves behind, can Beaver's quiet sobbing be heard.

 _Thank you for this opportunity, Commander_ , they had said in unison, saluting excitedly when Kaz had notified them of their relocation: Beaver was to be head medic, in command of his own med bay while Python would coordinate the security detail of the FOB – most importantly, they would be together, working on the same assignment. Kaz didn't have it in him to tear the two apart.

A suffocating weight settles around his heart, clenching it until he feels like a part of him is dying right with them and he can't look at the body, can't look at the faces all turning to him for help because he's powerless, too, powerless to stop any of this happening despite the promise he made himself that he wouldn't lose another squad on his watch, not _again_. _I have to do something–_

“Senseless killing will get you nowhere! You don't know who you're messing with here!” Kaz's voice sounds stronger than he feels, trembling in what could be mistaken for rage as their captor picks his next victim, stepping over Python's prone form to get to Beaver. Kaz stands, his numbed legs barely able to carry him – he doesn't get far, one of the guys standing guard behind him pushing him back down none too gently. The hands on his shoulders make something lurch inside Kaz and he shakes them off, glare turning venomous.

“Ever heard of Big Boss, huh?! He's coming for you, you sick fucks–“

That finally gets a reaction out of him, even if Alpha doesn't seem particularly intimidated as he stops in his tracks, turning towards Kaz. Beaver whimpers as he's thrown back to the ground again, knocking against Mantis who looks positively livid, narrowed eyes locked on Alpha.

“What makes you think I don't know that? Hmm?”

It's only when he stops right in front of Kaz that he can see the anger shining through the carefree expression on Alpha's face, his words dripping with hate where there was only cockiness before. “Do you really think this is all some big coincidence? You're better than that, 'Master Miller', I know you are. Thanks to your little radio there we're getting exactly what we want.”

Kaz freezes. _They know_. "Who sent–“

Then there's pain exploding on his left cheek and Kaz gasps, momentarily blinded by the sudden assault of bright daylight as his aviators clatter to the ground, skidding a few feet away.

“Shut up already! You think I'm some kinda rookie?! Huh?!”

Blinking up with squinted eyes, the first thing he sees is the rage in Alpha's eyes and it chills him to the bone, heart throbbing painfully in his chest. There's something warm running down his face, the taste of blood mixing with bile in the back of his throat.

The second thing is the empty spot at the railing above where a guard used to stand just a few seconds ago.

“I'm not gonna tell you a fuckin' thing. You and your fuckin' dogs did enough to deserve death ten times over and _you know it_.”

He moves and Kaz has one instant to brace himself before Alpha kicks him in the gut; the force of it knocks the air out of his lungs, making it impossible to breathe for a panicked second as agony rips through him– _No, no, no–_

There's shocked gasps, someone yells “Commander!” – _Mantis?_ – and Kaz knows they're running out of time, Alpha's attention drawn from him, doubled over on the ground, to the others struggling against their bonds to help him or get away, Kaz can't tell–

_Hurry up, hurry up–_

“You and you – help me with this, will ya?”

He hears the two grunts at his back move, the one that held him down giving Kaz's head a shove when he slowly rights himself to try and trip him up, stall him in any way he can. Kaz growls, gritting his teeth even though it only intensifies the pain in his jaw–

It's then that something catches his eye, a movement too fast for him to track properly – Kaz's breathing hitches, relief flooding his system when he recognizes the effortless efficiency of the person jumping down to the lower level and landing in a graceful crouch, stealth suit blending in against the dark grey walls.

Snake doesn't waste any time, tranquilizing the soldier closest to him before he moves on to the next one, using his blind spot until he can pull him down and into a choke hold that smothers any noise or protest. The expression on his face is hard to read from a distance and yet Kaz can feel Snake's single-minded focus shift from the limp man in his arms to the remaining three: Alpha and his soldiers, drawing out their intended kills with sadistic grins.

“Hey, fuckers!!”

Kaz's vocal cords strain with the effort of yelling but it's worth it, their heads snapping up by instinct for just a moment – it's all Snake needs to knock out the first one, disarming and using the second one as a shield as Alpha shoots with an unintelligible scream, effectively killing his own man.

Then it's all over in a flash: Alpha struggles against the tight hold of his arms at his back, against the knife at his throat. His gun falls to the ground, rendered useless.

“Fuck you, _dog_ –“

Snake says nothing, merely adjusts his grip to leaving little cuts on Alpha's skin that make drops of blood trickle down his neck. It's shuts him up fast enough, animal instinct taking over as he slumps in the grip of his attacker.

Only then does Snake meet Kaz's eyes and the triumphant smile on his lips fades, heart stuttering in his chest at the emptiness he finds there. A heartbeat later, Alpha's throat is slit open, the cut carefully administered to give him a quiet yet slow death, soft gurgling noises accompanying his last struggle. Blood runs freely over his front, dripping to the ground, joining the puddles left behind by Cat and Python.

The stillness that follows is stifling, seemingly infinite after the adrenaline and fear and pain – it's broken by Snake, who lowers Alpha's now-lifeless body to the ground before he draws his tranq gun again, shooting the soldiers he knocked out in the head to keep them down.

Only then does he speak, pressing red-tinged fingers to the radio in his ear, “FOB recaptured, targets secured”, and nausea churns in Kaz's stomach because he barely recognizes his voice, clinical, detached. It lacks all of its usual warmth.

 _It's not him_ , he thinks, gaze locked on Snake's blank face, watching the methodical way he wipes his knife clean on his leg, uncaring for the man he just killed in cold blood.

_That's not V._

*

The clean-up crew arrives quicker than Kaz expects, the platform formerly swarmed with hostiles back in their hands and the sight of the friendly – and most of all _familiar_ – faces around him relaxes him just a fraction as he watches the medics take care of their comrades, even though their physical wounds are limited. _All others remain to be seen._ He catches Mantis' gaze who kneels at Beaver's side and she nods, determination back in place. He returns the gesture.

The ones who didn't make it lie side-by-side in a row, neatly covered and Kaz has to avert his eyes. The sight reminds him too much of an entirely different day, of entirely different circumstances but the result is always the same.

Of the 18 in his squad, ten survived.

He rubs his sore wrist, running prosthetic fingers over the skin bruised by the handcuffs gingerly, mind wandering back to–

“Commander Miller, sir? Look up please”, says a calm voice and he obeys, too tired to play the grumpy patient. Grey Butterfly starts prodding at the bruise on his face, bushy eyebrows drawing together in concern before he reaches for the supplies in his first aid kit–

Red gleams in the corner of Kaz's vision and he tenses. Butterfly drops the disinfection wipes he's holding and salutes, “Boss!” until it's waved away.

“At ease. Mind if I...?” Snake gestures vaguely at Kaz, although it's unclear who he's asking – his eye flits to Kaz before it settles on Butterfly instead who nods hastily, obviously surprised. He retreats, joining his colleagues a few yards away.

The resulting silence is tense and growing ever more awkward as Kaz tries to read Snake's mood, unmoving while Snake takes the package of wipes the medic dropped and opens them, frowning when he rips a part of the plastic in the process. It's just a twitch of his brow, eye narrowing slightly and yet that alone is more expressive than anything Kaz has seen from him today.

He lets him tilt his head up, wincing at the sting of disinfectant on broken skin and again, there's a fleeting emotion on Snake's face, the corner of his mouth tightening. “Sorry”, he murmurs, the touch of both flesh and prosthetic fingers softening until it's barely there. Gentle.

“What for?”, Kaz says, searching the depths of Venom's eye for something he can't quite define himself – all he knows is that there's a rift between them and he hasn't felt it in years, not since he learned of Venom Snake's true identity.

It reminds him there's a side to Venom he can only glimpse, one he knew existed but never saw in action, face to face, until today. Not consciously, at least.

He doesn't quite know how to feel about that, either.

Snake sighs through his nose, close enough that his breath ghosts over Kaz's neck. “For... I don't know. Not being there in time”, he hesitates, breaks eye contact to look at the cut on the bridge of Kaz's nose instead, “killing. Losing control.”

_Are you in control now?_

The question burns on Kaz's tongue along with the doubts he can't quite push aside no matter how much he wants to trust him unconditionally instead; the thought of Snake's unflinching stare as he took another man's life is ever-present in his mind and suddenly, he's sure he doesn't want to hear the answer, if he'd get one at all–

It's then that he notices Venom's hands trembling ever so slightly as he dabs away the blood on Kaz's nose and Kaz knows now is not the time for doubts, not when they're weakened enough as it is. Not when the attack shook them to the core.

Not when they are alive and others are not.

Slowly, Kaz raises his hands and places them above Venom's, pressing them gently to his own cheeks. He ignores the bruise that throbs with the pressure, focusing instead on Venom's expression that turns from collected to utterly vulnerable in the fraction of a second–

“You made it in time, V. I'm here, I'm alive.”

He watches his words sink in until Venom breathes in deeply and nods, thumbs caressing Kaz's jaw. The tension in his body bleeds out at that and Kaz's eyelids droop in exhaustion, swaying if not for Venom's hands that move to his shoulders and pull him close.

“I got you, Kaz.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Tfw you actually have a backstory for the villain of the day and can't find a good place to introduce it.
> 
> Something else about this annoys me but I can't quite pinpoint what it is so I'm going to post it anyways *shrug emoji*


End file.
